


BITC- (Rewritten)

by RJayIsntHere (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Atsumu Miya is Babyyy, Author also regrets everything, Author can't do angst sadly, Author forgets the plot sometimes, Author forgets they're adults sometimes, Chatting & Messaging, Disaster gay, Friends With Benefits, Gay, I love tsukishima, M/M, Multi, OOC, Out of Character, Polyamory, Semi Eita and Sakusa Kiyoomi are BFF's, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trans Character, Tsukki is Babbyyyyyyy, Tsukki murders his friends sometimes, actually all the time, little bit of nsfw, sexual talk, so many gays, sorry - Freeform, they all are UwU, why is that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26817766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/RJayIsntHere
Summary: rewritten! More information on the last chapter! If you have any questions please contact me on tumblr! (@SnortingNoodlez)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Goshiki Tsutomu/Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Miya Atsumu/Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 323





	1. Oh no

Atsu-kun: Would anyone like to come over and have brownies? If not I can just send you guys some!

Tobi!: I’m coming over right now

Teruteru: Your brownies are the best!

Tooru: isn’t your brother and his boyfriend home??

Atsu-kun: They helped me with making them!

Sakusa: I’ll come

SemiSemi: Yes me too

Atsu-kun: Hurry before Tobio eats all of them!

Tsukishima: Fuck

Kozume: No!

===========

Tsukishima: holy fuck my head hurts

Tsukishima: Miya-san what did you put in those brownies??

Tooru: what happened while i was passed out??

SemiSemi: Atsumu did you drug us?

Atsu-kun: what?? No!? i just followed the recipe!

Sakusa: why am i naked?! AND WHERE AM I

Atsu-kun: my brother and Suna did help me with making the brownies..

Atsu-kun: but they did nothing wrong!

Atsu-kun: I know they didn't!

Kozume: did you leave for a second tho??

Atsu-kun: Yes..?

Atsu-kun: I did leave to the bathroom tho...

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima: Say bye to your brother and his boyfriend Miya-san

Atsu-kun: Tsukishima NO

Tooru: i have to see this

Tobi!: this is gonna be fun

Sakusa: let me get my tea cup ready!!

TeruTeru: This be going on my insta, snap, twit and youtube

Atsu-kun: DO NOT encourage him!

Tsukishima: Say bye bye~

Atsu-kun: GODAMMNIT

===========


	2. Hot guys alert

Tsukishima: Both targets are dead

Atsu-kun: NOOOO

SemiSemi: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY

Kozume: they're dead!!

Atsu-kun: (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) 

[Redacted] has added Ushijima & Goshiki to the chat!

Tooru: WHat

Ushijima: ah, Oikawa

Tooru: 

Tooru: U-ushijima

Goshiki: Hi Kei-chan!

Tsukishima: go away

Goshiki: so mean :(

===========

[Redacted] has changed Tsukishima's name to Tsukki

Tsukki: WaT

Tsukkishima: MOTHER FUCKER-

===========

Tsukki:FUCK HOT GUY ALErt

Atsu-kun: WHAT WHHAT

Tobi!: O GHDHSHNFEO SHIT

Tooru: SNFIINEI HFUCKF WHOW WHWI]

Goshiki: FFFFFFFFFFFFMDFEFHJOIKM

Tsukki: HOLY FUCM KING HELPME GET THEIR ATTENTION

Tobi!: ON IT

Tsukki: WHY DID YOU JUST YELL OUT MY NAME

Tobi!: I PANICED

TeruTeru: this is so much fun to watch

Tobi!: IM GONNA DO MORE

Tsukki: NOT HATS ENOUGH

Tsukki: FUCK SDNEEJFMFEN

Tooru: damn he dead

goshiki: rip tsukishima kei

TeruTeru: his ass was the best ass i have ever seen

Ushijima: Yes

Atsu-kun: I once walked in on him doing the wap dance and i think i passed otu

Goshiki: I dared him to twerk once and now I have very sinful dreams of his ass

Tooru: fucck dood his ass feels like a pillow

Teruteru: RIGht???

Tsukki: GUYS WHATTHE FUCK

===========

Tsukki: the fucking hot guy turned into threee hot guys andnow im high off of how hot hhey hare

Tobi!: who

Tsukki; akaashi keiji, owl looking djude and uhhhh Kuroo

Tobi!: Those guys

Tobi!: heard they were datiing each other 

Tsukki: ah

Tsukki: thats nice toknow

Tobi!: Shit

Tobi!: FUCK TSUKISHIMA IM SORRY

Tobi!: tsukishima?

Tobi!: Tsukki?

Tobi!: kei?

Tobi!: Glasses-chan?

Tobi: ANSWER ME DAMMNIT

Tobi: FUCK KEI IM SORRY

===========


	3. Chapter 3

TeruTeru: HFOLsDSC glasses-chan

Tsukki: what

TeruTeru: who's that beside you 

Tsukki: My friend

Tsukki: y

TeruTeru: is he single

Tsukki: yes

TeruTeru: 

Tsukki: tf

TeruTeru: can I..ask for his number..?

Tsukki:

Tsukki: fine but im watching you

TeruTeru: YESSS THANK U

Tsukki: whatever..

Kozume: cute

Tsukki: shut up

\-----------------

SemiSemi: A fucking brat just yelled at me

Atsu-kun: :( o noo

Goshiki: what happened??

SemiSemi: nothing! i didnt even do anything

Ushijima:I am going to talk to him

Tsukki: Damn

\-----------------

Atsu-kun: uhm..

Atsu-kun: My brothers asking is im dating anyone 

Sakusa: what

Goshiki: Y???

Atsu-kun: because i've been looking at my phone for days now and giggling at it

Atsu-kun: now he thinks im dating someone

Tsukki: wanna make him jelous?

Sakusa: do it

Atsu-kun: I dont know..

Tsukki: LET'S GOOO

Tooru: YAAY IM JOINING

Tobi!: me too!

Tsukki: Yes!!

\-----------------

[Tsukishima Kei has sent a video]

Kozume: my poor innocent eyes

Sakusa: fukc

Ushijima: Oh dear

Goshiki: oh my\\\\\\\\\

TeruTeru: aww :( I wish i was there

TeruTeru: I wanted to cum inside glasses-kun ;;;

Tsukki: dont say it like that!

TeruTeru: its true tho ;)

Tsukki: ugh

\-----------------


	4. giving Tsukki the love he deserves

Atsu-kun: has anyone talked to tsukki at all today?

Sakusa: nope

Ushijima: No

Tooru: is he ok?

Goshiki: i hope hes alright 

TeruTeru: I asked Yamaguchi but he said he hasn't seen him at all today

Tobi!: He isn't answering my calls and messages today..

SemiSemi: Im over to his house right now

Tobi: Me too

Tooru: I as well

Kozume: please tell him we're all here for him

Tooru: we will!

\-------------------

Goshiki: I hope they're ok..

Atsu-kun: Im sure they are

Goshiki: but its been an hour! 

Goshiki: for all we know they all would've died

Atsu-kun: omg

Atsu-kun: what if they are!?

Atsu-kun: I LIVE 11 HOURS AWAY FROM TSUKISHIMA

Goshiki: JMDWNOFO NOOOOOOO

Ushijima: Both of you calm down, im sure they are all ok

Atsu-kun: Im still worried Ushijima-san

Ushijima: If it makes you happy I can call Semi to check if they're ok

Goshiki: Please do!!

Atsu-kun: YES

\--

Ushijima: they're alright, however tsukishima-kun had a bad night yesterday so he's staying home away from school

Atsu-kun: oh noo babeyy :(

Atsu-kun: im coming over

Goshiki: So am I!

TeruTeru:ME TOO 

Sakusa: I guess i'll go..

Kozume: Im bringing snacks

Goshiki: Im bringing Movies!

Atsu-kun: we could all bake a cake together!

Kozume: I'm bringing the ingredients!

Ushijima: I'll bring one of my fluffy blankets

TeruTeru: SLEEPOVER

\-------------------

Tsukki:

Tsukki: thanks guys...

\-------------------


	5. crusty

Tooru: JUST FUCKING FOUND OUT TSUKKI CAN FUCKING DO A MR. CRUSTY HANDSY-MCMIKE SHIGGY VOICE

Goshiki: and now im scared he can fuckingdisintegrate my ass any second

Atsu-kun: BYE

Atsu-kun: IM WRITING DOWN MY WILL

Sakusa: The last thing i will do before he disintegrates me is showering myself 50 times

ushijima: what

SemiSemi: FUC NO

Tsukki: what

TeruTeru: can u actually do a shiggy voice?

Tsukki: Yeah? its not that hard?

[Tsukishima Kei has sent an audio]

TeruTeru: DAMN

TeruTeru: can you do dirty talk while doing Shiggy's voice?

Tooru: OOOUUOUO YES

Goshiki: DO IT 

[Tsukishima Kei has sent an audio]

Tooru: UFUCK

Goshiki: daamn

Teruteru: Nice

\--------------

Atsu-kun: The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. Ding A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Ding Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, ding 

Sakusa: what the fuck

\--------------

Atsu-kun: My dumbass self screamed when my brother said hi to me in my ear lowly and let me tell you

Atsu-kun: I fucking S C R E A M E D

SemiSemi: y tf did u scream?

Atsu-kun: first of all, have fucking proper grammar please

Atsu-kun: second of all Yagami Yato

Tsukki: bitch

Atsu-kun: o

Atsu-kun: OH FUCK

Atsu-kun: im sorry tsukki

SemiSemi:???

Tsukki: don't worry about it

SemiSemi:?????????????????

\--------------

Goshiki: why did i just see tsukki chasing a human tangerine yelling about how he's gonna decapitate him??

tsukki: dont worry about it

TeruTeru: Goshiki i think you just witnessed a murder

TeruTeru: R U N

Goshiki: oh hsihtntiweniwwoghomognm

TeruTeru: fuck we're next

SemiSemi: NoPIJPWODKLND WVYTFR^EWRXDTCFYVGUBHIJOK

TeruTeru: FUCK

\-------------

Tsukki: All targets died, celebration is indeed needed


	6. Wha-

Tsukki: FUCK

Tsukki: SOMEONE HOT JJST ASKED ME OUT AND I I SAID OKAY

Tobi!: WHY WOULD YOU SAY OK

Tooru: YOU DUMB BITCH

Tobi!: EXACTLY 

Tsukki: I CANT IM SO STRESSED HES GONNA OICK ME UP AT 7:00 

Tobi: BOO IMMA MAKE U LOOK SO GOOD YOU WONT EVEN RECOGNIZE YOURSLEF

Tooru: IM DOING THE MAKEUP

Atsu-Kun: who asked you out?

Goshiki: probably himself-

Tsukki: shut up bowl headed ass 

Goshiki: ;w; 

Tsukki: and it was akaashi that asked me out

Tsukki: and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tsukki: he could’ve asked someone out like bokuto or kuroo 

Tsukki: BUT NO

Tsukki: he asked ME out

Tsukki: ME

Tsukki: THE BITCH THAT LOOKKED AT HIM SITH A DUMB STARE AND SAID OUT OF NOWHERE “YOU’RE REALLY RETTY”

Tsukki: WITH A VOICE CRACK

Atsu-Kun: HAH

Tooru: I’m picking up tobio first then we’re heading to you

Tsukki: thanks door

Tooru: shut up

————————

Tooru: he looks so good!!

[Tooru Oikawa has sent an image]

Goshiki: DAMN THAT CROP TOP THO

Skusa: the R I P P E DJ E A N S

Kozume: HIS ASS IS SO PERKY HOLY FUCK

SemiSemi: I wanna slap it

Kozume: SO BEAUTIFUL 

Goshiki: he replaced his glasses with circular ones instead of the normal ones he usually wear ‘w’

Tooru: ALSO IF YOU DIDNT NOTICE HES WEARING FISHNET STOCKINGS

Kozume: AAAAAAAAAAAA HILY FUCK GO TSUKISHIMA

————————

Tobi!: wait isn’t Akaashi dating Bokuto and Kuroo??

Tooru: honestly that’s what I thought when tsukki said akaashi asked him out

Tobi!: o well

Tooru: If he doesn’t get home by 11:30 I’m gonna personally hunt Akaashi’s pretty face and smash it on the ground

Tobi!: and they say daichi’s scary when he’s mad

Tobi!: they clearly haven’t met u

Tooru: what do u mean

Tobi!:

Tobi!: nothing 

Tooru: SHSKSISI ITS ALRESDY 8:30 HE SHOILD BE THERE JN TIEM

Tobi!: relax Akaashi might just be running late

Tobi!: someone might be holding him back

Tooru: I’m gonna text him

Tobi!: you have his number?

Tooru: no but I know he has messenger 

Tobi!: o

Tobi!: no

Tooru: :)

Tobi!: don’t you dare threaten a pretty face

Tooru: :))

Tobi!: TOORU NO

————————

Ushijima: does anyone know where goshiki is

SemiSemi: surprisingly no

Tooru: haven’t talked to him in a while

TeruTeru: Never talked to him

Sakusa: Nope

Kozume: I’m never in this chat

Tobi!: I talked to him 5 min ago

Tobi!: he said he was going on a date

Ushijima: he is?

Ushijima: with who?

Tobi!: idk, that’s all he told me tbh

Tobi!: I hope it’s not a total stranger..

————————


	7. Ceo of sex dungeon aka Tsukki

Atsu-kun: KEI

Atsu-kun: WHY

Goshiki: What

Tooru: pfft 

Tobi!: omg 

TeruTeru: Mommy and Mother are fighting 

Tsukki: wh

Atsu-kun: WHY DID YOU DO THIS

[Atsu-kun has sent an image]

Tobi!: is

Tobi!: is that

Tooru: you guys playing MC and theres just a huge ass block going through there?

TeruTeru: what are you guys building?????????

Kozume: we were all trying to build a huge ass strip club and SOMEBODY was trying to do his floor

Kozume: he tried to fill the floor with a command HOWEVER

Kozume: HE FUCKING MESSED UP THE CORDINATES AND A HUGE ASS BLOCK OF GLIDED BLACK STONE OR WHATEVER APPEARED 

Tsukki: first of all

Tsukki: you probably read the coordinates wrong

Kozume: NO I DID NOT I READ WHAT YOU WROTE DOWN ON THE SIGNS

SemiSemi: this is so stupid-

============

Tsukki: @TeruTeru mommy and mother???????

TeruTeru: dont worry about it

Tsukki: Im worrying

TeruTeru:

TeruTeru: mommy kink-

Tsukki: JFC-

Tsukki: i shouldnt have asked

Sakusa: you really shouldn't had

TeruTeru: yeah....

============

Atsu-kun: Kei your part of the strip club is so magical looking its unbelievable

Kozume: its not even finished yet and yet it already looks good

Tsukki: tHanK

Kozume: mine looks like a fucking pool 

Atsu-kun: Mines a temple

Tsukki: Y'alls look good

Tsukki: I like how your guys' parts look magical and then theres mine who looks like a sex dungeon :))

============

SemiSemi: when i saw Tsukki's garden dome

SemiSemi: I immedietly thot he was a softy

Tsukki: shut

Tsukki: I like gardens..

SemiSemi: cute

Tsukki: shut it!

Tsukki: everyone likes flowers..

Sakusa: I dont 

Tsukki: you're not special enough to have someone to care about your opinions

Sakusa: WOW

Sakusa: rude ass mf

SemiSemi: anyways

SemiSemi: why are you building a garden??

Tsukki: no reason

Sakusa: maybe have a MC date with his BF~

SemiSemi: Does Akaashi have MC Kei??

Sakusa: or Bokuto?

SemiSemi: or Kuroo?

Tsukki: shut it holy fuck

Kozume: yknow im hanging out with them rn 

Kozume: they're all 1 feet away Kei

Tsukki: NO 

Tsukki: im running over there rn

Kozume: to tokyo??

Sakusa: aren't you visiting your mom rn?

Tsukki: you dont know how far these legs could go Kozume

Kozume: fuck RIP me i guess

============

Tsukki: Targets are dead

SemiSemi: there's an extra S in there

Tsukki: mhmm

SemiSemi: damn 

Sakusa: even killing your future husbands??

SemiSemi: too far

Tsukki: THEY DONT EVEN LIKE ME

Sakusa: AKAASHI ASKED YOU OUT

Tsukki: HE DIDN'T

Tsukki: HE JUST WANTED TO TEST SOME CAKE

SemiSemi:bitch deep inside you know it was a date

Tsukki: 

Tsukki: FINE

Tsukki: WHAT IF IT WAS A DATE

SemiSemi: THEEN HE LIKES YOU

Tsukki: WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER TWO

Tsukki: THEY DON'T

Sakusa: dumb

Sakusa: Dumb as hell

============


	8. Tsukishima's Love life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late Halloween! this was supposed to be posted yesterday but i was busy sorry!

Tsukki: I dont have a costume

Atsu-kun: I do

Goshiki: I have a maid dress that you can borrow 

Goshiki: YOU WOULD LOOK SO PRETTY IN A MAID DRESS

Atsu-kun: why do you have a maid dress?

Goshiki: uh

Goshiki: My sister gave it to me for fun

SemiSemi: you dont have a sister

Tsukki: wait

Tsukki: IS THE MAID DRESS A KINK THING YOU DO FOR SOMEONE 

Goshiki: NO IT ISN'T

Tsukki: LIE

Goshiki: IM TELLING THE TRUTH

Tsukki: WHO IS IT GOSHIKI

SemiSemi: I did see a sock on his doorknob last week

Tsukki: GOSHIKI I AM HUNTING YOU DOWN TO ASK 

Goshiki: LEAVE ME ALONE

======================= 

Ushijima: did you ever find out who hes dating?

Tsukki:

Tsukki: nope

Tsukki: but someday 

Ushijima: goshiki

Goshiki: yes?

Ushijima: can you get me and tendou, a coffee?

Goshiki: yes

Goshiki: coming in 15 minutes

Ushjima: yoou know how we both like it

Ushjima: and make it quick

Goshiki: Yes!

Tsukki: you're such a bottom

Goshiki: shut up

=======================

Atsu-kun: TFEOFIF 

Goshiki: TSUKISHIMA WIHT GARTER BELTS AND FISHNET STOCKING

Goshiki: HE HAS BLACK LEATHER GLOVES ON

Atsu-kun: I WANT HIM TO STEP ON ME HOYKFNEOF

Goshiki: HIS ASS IS PEEKING FROM THE SHORT SKIRT AND HIS ASS IS SO SOFT

Tsukki: STOP TOUCHING MY ASS

Atsu-kun: im taking your clothes

Tsukki: DONT

Tsukki: MIYA ATSUMU DO NOT

Tsukki: DO I HAVE TO WALK HOME LIKE THIS

Tsukki: IM GOING TO ASK AKAASHI TO BRING ME HOME AND WHEN IM DRESSED PROPERLY I AM GONNA STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH WITH MY BEAR HANDS

Atsu-kun: what a fun way to die

=======================

Atsu-kun: its been 40 minutes

Atsu-kun: tsukki should be here

Atsu-kun: hes fast and when his anger takes over hes really fast

Tobi!: he might be getting fucked in the ass

Kozume: yeah uh

Kozume: about 30 to 40 minutes ago kuroo dashed away when he looked at his phone 

TeruTeru: I uh bokuto literally yelled out "I NEED THAT ASS RN"

TeruTeru: im terrified 

Kozume: you think they're dating?

Kozume: like all of them?

Atsu-kun: probably not

TeruTeru: bet?

Atsu-kun: hell yeah

Kozume: Yes, been dating since last week 10,0000

Atsu-kun: no, will date in 3 weeks

TeruTeru: Hell yeah, been dating since akaashi asked out thiccy glasses

Sakusa: will never date

SemiSemi: friends with benefits since tsukishima was in his first year in high school 

Tobi!: Been dating since first year of high school

Tooru: yeah, i agree

Ushijima: Been dating since Tsukishima's second year of hs

=======================

Tsukki: WHY ARE YOU TAKING BETS

Ushijima: its fun

Tsukki: so helpful wakatoshi

Ushijima: i try

=======================

Tsukki: I hate you guys

Tsukki: my poor fucking body

Tsukki: im just an entire bruise at this point

Tsukki: shit

Tsukki: WRONG CHAT

Tsukki: HOW DO YOU DELETE SHIT

[Redacted]: you cant delete anything

Tsukki: WHUWDHN FUCK 

Tsukki: guess i'll die

=======================

Atsu-kun: DINIDWFHFIFNWSL 

Atsu-kun: well we know they're fucking

Kozume: but are they dating or not?

SemiSemi: how long have they been dating?

TeruTeru: Are they just friends with benefits?

Ushijima: come back tomorrow when we have new update on tsukishima's love life

=======================


	9. Gang bang-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little nsfw :/ skip of you want

Tsukki: haha my dad's home yall

Tobi!: no he fucking isn't

Tobi: that man is the best IM COMING OVER HENFIESJINKVIVJ

Tooru: i got so scared that his dad was trouble but ???????

Tobi!: His dad lives in America

Ushijima: if its ok to ask but why is he in america?

Tsukki: My mother and father were never married, they were both together for some time but they never actually fell in love

Tsukki: They did have me and my older brother but they agreed to not get married and just stay as friends

Tsukki: they're both gay actually, that's why they split up

Tsukki: So i have two dads in america who visits us every week to spend time with me and a lesbian mom who we love very much

Tooru: thats so cute omg

TeruTeru: thats amazing

Tsukki: I haven't actually met my dads boyfriend yet

Tsukki: apparently im meeting him today

Tobi!: IM COMING OVER OEFMJEFKGBVON

Tsukki: OFJWF OKK

\-------------------------------

Tsukki: MY DADS BOYFRIEND IS SO PRETTY

Tsukki: BITHC ISFNEOBGIBIGGKE 

Tobi!: He is!!

\-------------------------------

Tsukki: have i ever told yall ab the time i got high with tanaka and like got a job at a gay strip club and saw semi there?

Tooru: JBNCEIBN WOW

SemiSemi: THAT WAS YOU??

SemiSemi: DUDE YOU WERE SO GOOD AT POLE DANCING

Tsukki: THANKS!!

Tooru: lol ive had a crysh on tobio-cjam adnf iwa-chan fo r a lonh g time

TsukkiL

Tobi!:

Tobi!: wa

Tooru: shuit i foirtgot aboit him beim g in th is cahtj

Tobi!: lets talk when youre sober 

Tooru: LOL K

Atsu-kun: ive had a crush on my brother and his boyfriend more than 5 years..

Tsukki: I get high once a year with kageyama, hinata, yamaguchi, semi, kawanishi, tendou and suna 

Tsukki: mostly Suna

Atsu-kun: WIAT SUNA????

Atsu-kun: thats my brothers boyfriend

Tsukki: oh?

Atsu-kun: does he talk about anyone?

Tsukki:..im not answering that

Atsu-kun: ill take you out for cake

Tsukki: tempting but no

Atsu-kun: the whole week i'll take you out for cake

Tsukki: deal yes he talks about anyone

Tsukki: he talks a lot about many people, they all are nicknamed as foods or something

Tsukki: idk y 

Tsukki: some are named, like, uh sushi, tofu, Yakitori, Soba, Udon idk y

Atsu-kun: lol what

Tobi!: THis isn't like a secret tbh, everyone basically knows haha

Tobi!: Everyone even if they're not gay, looks at kei's ass

Tooru: OMGH IITS SO PLUMP AND HJUICY

Ushjima: his ass

TeruTeru: JIGGLES

Tsukki: GUYS WTF AGAIN

SemiSemi: ITS TRUE

\-------------------------------

Atsu-kun: @Tsukishima kei

Tsukki: what

Atsu-kun: i need to pee

Tsukki: why are you telling me this?

Sakusa: cant you just go?

Atsu-kun: im too lazy

Atsu-kun: Tsukki can i pee in your pussy?

Atsu-kun: you can clench your pussy and carry it to the toilet

SemiSemi: SKSKSDJFFMDKNS

Tsukki: SKSKSKFJSKFJSS NO

TeruTeru: Tsukki bby our streaks babe

Tsukki: Oh fuck 

Tsukki: same thing or nudes?

TeruTeru: dude doesn't matter i literally just send you my vagina all the time

Atsu-kun: can yall NOT talk about this in this gc?

SemiSemi: you literally talked about peeing in kei's pussy about 5 minutes ago

\-------------------------------

Tsukki: they do be ignoring me tho :(

Ushijima: who?

Tsukki: Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi

SemiSemi: gangbang?

Sakusa: again?

Atsu-kun: LETS GO

Atsu-kun: I have been wanting release for so long you have no idea baby

Tsukki: Oh? tell me more

Kozume: god yes, kei can i watch again?

Tsukki: anybody can come

TeruTeru: I have been waiting for this again

Tooru: IM SO EXCITED

Tooru: ITS BEEN A WHILE

Tooru: IMA GET EVERYTHING READY 

Tsukki: Im waiting!~

\-------------------------------

"Fuck! Please, more!"

"That's it...fuck..kei you are so fucking beautiful.."

"More oh please more!"

"you need more baby?"

"look at them, watching you squirm around for us"

"you like it when we play with you?"

"Answer him sweetheart!"

"Yes!"

"Such a good baby boy for all of us.."

"You need more baby hmm? I want you to beg for it.."

\-------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if i hurt any transgender people out there, i am not trying to hurt anyone, my humor sucks and apprently i dont have it ;w;


	10. Tsukishima's Love life pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ＼（＠￣∇￣＠）／ have fun!!

tsukki: apparently the three were home when uh..

Tooru: when we fucked you?

Tsukki: yeah that

Tsukki: and uh kuroo told me to wait home naked...

Tsukki: WHAT SHOULD I DO

Tooru: OMG ENGOFNEEFOI DO YOU HAVE LINGERIE

Tsukki: uhm no? y

Tobi!: when will they be home??

Tsukki: in 15 minutes..?

Tobi!: IM COMING OVER AND BRINGING MY LINGERIE

Tooru: IM BRINGING MAKEUP

Tsukki: uhm ok!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-

"Tsukki! We got somethin for you!~"

"I-in here!"

"Tsukki-"

"D-do you guys like it..?"

"U-uhm I'll go change if you guys dont like it.."

"no, stay"

"o-oh um.."

"Fuck babe, when we heard you moaning in your bedroom with those guys.."

"we wanted to keep you to our selves.."

"You being in that, makes me wanna mark you over and over.."

"Yes! Please!!"

"You want that? You want  _ daddy _ to mark you?"

"Yes!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-

[Tsukkishima has sent an image]

Tooru: JFC I LITERALLY JUST DROPPED MY MUG

Tobi!: I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE YOUR-

Tobi!: YOUR UHADNWFJ(WOT UH THING WITH THAT INSIDE YOU R UH THING

Tsukki: YOU DONT NEED TO SAY IT JFC &

Tsukki: IM OSRRY I PRESSED THE WRONG CHAT

Kozume: WHAT CHAT WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO PRESS

Tsukki: IDK THE THREE OTHERS

SemiSemi: ARE YOU EVEN DATING THEM????

Tsukki: NO???? WERE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

Kozume: WHAT WHEN

Tsukki: SINCE THIRD YEAR??

SemiSemi: IM CLOSE??

Kozume: NO BITCH

Kozume: THAT MEANS KEI GETS THE MONEY

Tsukki: I DO??

Kozume: YEs

Tsukki: HOLY SHIT YES 

Tsukki: BYE YALL IMMA BUY MANY THINGS ONLINE

Sakusa: you guys made a fucling mistake

Tobi!: :( i didnt win

Kozume: its fine we can bet on Tooru's love life or goshiki's

Goshiki: WHY ME

Kozume: idk

SemiSemi: E-boyhours

Tsukki: OHS SHTI I DONT HAVR ANYTHIGN

Kozume: ME NEIGHTER

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-

Tsukki: So liek I m hghi rn a nd I m att kuross hourse 

Goshiki: ooh

Tsukki: shit u p

Tooru: you fucking druggie

Tsukki: this is kuroo, don’t worry we’re taking care of him!

Goshiki: “were”?

Tsukki: bokuto and akaashi

Tooru: do anything to Tsukishima and I will hunt you down and scalp you

Tsukki: Yes sir! 

Kozume: lol whatever you do don’t read up 

Tooru: Kenma! Wtf

Kozume: it had to be done

Tobi!: you’re in the same position as tsukki but with hinata instead but you don’t see us doing shit

Kozume: shut up

TeruTeru: MY DUMBASS SELF JSI T GOT CAUGHT MASTURBATING BY YAMA

TeruTeru: HELP

Tsukki: lol loser

Tsukki: also does he really think of us that way?

Kozume: yes now go make out

Goshiki: jfc kenma

Kozume: I’m tired of them pinning for each other 

Goshiki: I know but tf

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-

Tsukki: WTF YU GUYS

Goshiki: we couldn’t stop him

Kozume: lol

Tsukki: I LOCKED MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM SO NOW THEY CANT COME IN

Tsukki: BOKUTOS THREATENING TO BREAK FOWN THE DOOR

Kozume: good luck

Tsukki: luckily there’s a small window I can fit through

Goshiki: goddamn it

Kozume: theyre gonna lose him

Goshiki: yup


	11. :0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat where it isn't the bottoms chat?!?! :0 (And tsukki running away from his problems lol)  
> (also mention of tsukki's ass)

_3rd Gym_ UWU

-=-=-=-=-=-

  
OwlDaddy: TSUKKI

Tsukki: I forgot ab this chat

Tsukki: I thought we agreed to leave this chat?

Keji: You didn't leave

Tsukki: I just wanted to make sure you guys left before me

SirCat: ;) you love us 

Tsukki: wh'red youiu,, hear thata srfronm?

SirCar: A little Calico cat told me through a screen

Tsukki:

Tsukki: Can we,,not talk ab this?

OwlDaddy: nope!

Keiji: no

Keji: we are talking about this today

OwlDaddy: We wont let you go like last time Tsukki!

Tsukki: 

Tsukki: hah jokes on you, you have no idea where ia m

SirCat: Yamaguchi just sent me a photo of you tqo eating near where we are in tokyo

Tsukki: thdi mf

Tsukki: Im r u n n i n g

˜”*°•.˜”*°•(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Tsukki long thicc yummy legs so z o o m ♥•°*”˜.•°*”˜

"YAMAGUCHI TADASHI I TOLD YOU NOT TO SEND THAT SHIT"  
  
"IM SORRY TSUKKI"

"was that tsukishima??"

"Tooru that probably was just another tall guy-"

"TSUKKI NOO NOT MY BBY TERU"

"OKay maybe that was Kei"

-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-

_BITC-_

Kozume: Im pretty sure me and tooru jsut witnessed a murder

TeruTer: I just got a text from yama that i wont be seeing him till next month ;w;

Tooru: Isn't that a little too much?

TeruTeru: ;W;

Kozume: you cant exactly stop tsukki and his rage can you?

Tooru: its terrifying

Tooru: he literally has the anger of a god im not kidding

TeruTeru: its so scary

SemiSemi: its been a full week since ive been gone and i come back to tsukki killing again

Atsu-kun: Imma bout to go killing stalking on his ass-

Tooru: I-

Kozume: scuse me?-

SemiSemi: hello??????? Miya????????

TeruTeru: I need to lay down..

TeruTeru: I think i nee d mroe sleep after this..

SemiSemi: ??? MiYA WtF

Atsu-kun: :)

Tooru: BYE IM MOVING TO ICELAND

Kozume: im comibg wtih yiuo 

Tooru: Mommy im scared come pick me up ;-;

Atsu-kun: Mommy? ( •̀ ω•́ )

Tooru: BYE

-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-

Atsu-Kun: Guys im so sorry!! that was Suna-San!!

TOoru: THAT SON OF A BITCH

Sakusa: he literally drugged us once wtf

Atsu-kun: please let me make it up to you by baking you cookies

Sakusa: hes forgiven

TeruTeru: Naps aren't important what's sleep? dont knwo her

Tooru: imma let my trip to iceland postponed for today

Kozume: mybe a little bit of fresh air is good for me

SemiSmei: sure

Tsukki: HIDE ME THYERE TRYING TO FUCKING HUMT ME DOQN

Kozume: JUST LET THEM TLAK TO U

Tsukki: YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ENERGY THAT TAKES!?!

Tsukki: PLUS UM TOO MUHC IF A PISSY TO FUCKING TLK TO THWM

Tooru: R U RUNNING

Tsukki: YES

Tsukki: I GOT AWAY FORM YAMA BUT I CANT GET AWAY FROM THOSE THREE

Tsukki: HID EME YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

SemiSemi: you know i have to help shirabu with soemthing

Kozume: I just got a new game i need to try

Tooru: tobio wants me to teach him to to serve without hitting when he asks me

Tobi!: Tooru needs to teach me how to serve without hitting me when i asks him

Ushijima: tendou wants my opinion on how his gardening is going so far

Atsu-kun: i need to bake cookies

Sakusa: i need to shower 5 more times

TeruTeru: I need to spam nude pics to yamaguchi

Goshiki: I need my ass 

Goshiki: BLEached

Tsukki: FUCK ALL OF YOU  
  


-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-

Tooru: Lol you needed your ass bleached??

Goshiki: I panicked im srry

Kozume: y'all wanna bet that Tobio and Tooru aren't just practicing serves

SemiSemi: bitch last time I made a bet wiht you we all fucking lost and gave kei 10,000 yen

Kozume: lol

-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-

Tsukki: Fuck

Tsukki: All 

Tsukki:of

Tsukki: you

Tsukki: I hate you all

Tooru: you love us!

Tsukki: do I?

Tooru: MEAN!!

Tsukki: dont know what you're talking ab :P

Tooru: >:<

Tooru: Also wtf Kenma

Kozume: Not my fault the tension between the three of yall are so thick its almost as thicc as tsukki's

Tsukki: can we not talk ab my ass for just ab a second?

Tooru: sorry boo no

Goshiki: Its so squishky and cute and soft I just wanna lay in between them forever

Tsukki: ugh fine

Goshiki: YES!!!!

Tsukki: come here dork

Goshiki: I GOT HIS ASS FOR THE TIME BEING  
  


-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-\\-

SirCat: TSUKKI COME OUT 

OwlDaddy: KEI COME OUT :(

Keiji: we'll be here right by your side if you come and talk to us

Tsukki: promise?

Tsukki: i really dont wanna ruin our friendship..

Keiji: we promise

Tsukki: Can't I just talk ab this in the chat..?

Keiji: nope, now where are you?

Tsukki: im in the owl cafe near where I chased bokuto down the street when he was drunk

Keiji: Kuroo's gonna pick you up ok? wait there

Tsukki: ok..


	12. LOST PLUSHIE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh no tsukki's going on a murdering again
> 
> also pls ignore the chapter where Akaashi asked tsukki out im trying to figure out the plot here, I keep on forgetting about the last chapters..bear with me

Atsu-kun: is it ok if I stay over at someone's house for tonight?

Tsukki: is everything ok over there?

Kozume: you usaully dont ask for shit like that

Tsukki: yeah

Atsu-kun: well..

Atsu-kun: my brother has suna-san over and um you know ////

Sakusa: you not saying perverted is so cute lmao

Atsu-kun: I just dont like saying anything that includes that!

Sakusa: so cute

Tsukki: You can stay over at my apartment rn! my key is in one of my potted plants out front

Atsu-kun: Ok! thanks

SemiSemi: great we're all coming over to kei's house

Tobi!: Yes

Tooru: Yup!

Sakusa: ew sure

Ushjima: Im bringing alcohol 

TeruTeru: iM BRINGING THE CONDOMS

Kozume: WTF-

Atsu-kun: its been a while since ive seen everyone!

Goshiki: o0o OOH DNWIDLWFN YAY!!

Kozume: this is gonna be fun

[Brought to by Tsukki's Long yummy legs UwU]<

Atsu-kun: Tsukki where are you??!?

Atsu-kun: they're literally just taking all of your food!!

Kozume: WHY DONT YOU HAVE ENOUGH FOOD OMG

Tsukki: shit

Tsukki: im coming home rn, i was getting groceries 

Kozume: FOR 4 HOURS

Tsukki: I GOT DISTRATED

Kozume: THIS IS WHY NO ONE LETS YOU GO OUT BY YOURSELF 

Atsu-kun: wow

Atsu-kun: wait

Atsu-kun: HOW ARE YOU DRIVING WHILE TEXGING KEI SFIKJSL

Kozume: STOPR DWORWM DRIVE SAFELY YOU DUMB MOFO

Tsukki: IM NOT DRIVING KUROO IS

Kozume: oh???

Atsu-kun: how was your talk yesterday???

Tsukki: were not talking about that

Kozume: PLEASE?!?!

Tsukki: fine

Tsukki: uhm,,I told them my feelings

SemiSemi: AND????!?!

Tsukki: we all just stayed as friends, they all don't love me back

Kozume: 

Atsu-kun: im so sorry..

Tsukki: its fine, i should be used to this by now

Kozume: you shouldn't 

Atsu-kun: how long until you get home

Tsukki: ..10 minutes

Atsu-kun: we'll help you get the groceries out quickly

Tsukki: thanks

Kozume: anything for you Kei

[Author is trying their best bear with me pls]

Kei groaned in exhaustion as he laid himself down on his couch, his heart throbbed in pain as he kept on thinking about the other three, why couldn't he let them go? They just had to ask him to come over that very same night he realized his feelings for them. it's not his fault that they're all so perfect, so happy, so bright. If Kei could say something hes never told each of them. He would tell them how much he loved them and then disappear from the world forever. You know what? Never mind, Kei would never say anything to them, even if its his last day on earth. He's too much of a pussy to tell them anything, they're just friends. That's all, nothing else and never will be anything else. Kei's train of thoughts came to a stop as loud shouting became louder after hearing a loud sound of glass shattering against tiled floor in the kitchen.

[Author broke their heart for this h a h a]

Atsu-kun: WHERES MICHEAL 

Tsukki: WHERES MICHEAL

Kozume: WHERE TF IS MICHEAL

SemiSemi: WHO IS MICHEAL

TeruTeru: WHY IS MICHEAL

Tsukki: WHERES MY DINO PLUSHIE!?!?!!

Kozume: DWIJFDOWHN FUCK HES GONNA TEAR DOWN HOUSES FOR THAT PLSIHE 

SemiSemi: TRY AND FIND IT QUICKLY

[Brought to you by tsukki's lost plushie]

Tsukki: THE GODDAMN KING MUST HAVE IT

Atsu-kun: WARN KAGEYAMA BEFORE HE ACTUALLY KILLS HIM

Tsukki: THAT MOFO PROBABLY HAS IT

SemiSemi: FUCL UHHHUCNSBFJKIBKJ I KEEP ON MESSING UP HIS NUMBER

Kozume: I WOULD FUCKING BUY AN ENTIRE DINOSAUR MUSEUM FOR TSUKKI SO THAT HE CANT COMMIT MURDER

Tsukki: THATS SWEET BUT I STILL NEED MY PLUSHIE

Tsukki: IT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY AKAASHI SAN

Kozume: FIND IT NOW BEFORE I ACTAULLY BUY AN ENTIRE MUSEUM FOR HIM

Atsu-kun: WE'RE ALL TRYING

Kozume: IGMGEBFIEFN IM WARNING EVERYONE RN TO FUCKING FIND TGE PLUSHIE

SemiSemi: EUFNLDKFEHFJFNOEUBJR HE JUST TACLED ME

SemiSemi: HES GETTIGN AWAY WUICKLY 

Sakusa: IM TRYING TO FIND IT IN HIS HOUSE FFHFKLE EFFO 

Sakusa: EW SO MANY GERMS

Sakusa: BUT ITS WORTH IT

[poor sakusa]

[3RD Gym UwU]

Keiji: why did I just get a warning from Atsumu-san to stay clear from Tsukishima?

SirCat: same thing wiht me

OwlDaddy: what if hes in trouble!?!?

SirCat: OMGNOOO WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM LETS GO

Keiji: do I have a say in this?

OwlDaddy: NO WE HAVE TO SAVE TSUKKI

Keiji: this is gonna end badly

[disaster]

SemiSemi: WHY ARE ThE OTHER THREE HERE

Tsukki: I NEED TO FIND MICHEAL FAST

Atsu-kun: FORGET AB MICHEAL KEI

Kozume: FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT YOUR THREE DADDYS ARE HERE

Tsukki: KEAFNJFJFWJNFWTF

SemiSemi: SKSLSSKJFKJFKOWFNW 

Tobi!: OEFNMEF I FOUND IT

Tsukki: WHERE IS IT

Tobi!: IN YOUR CAR

Tsukki: WHATEFNNEVLJ GIVE ME MICHEAL

Tobi!: WDJNOSFOEVEBOUERHLIbj

Atsu-kun: OGENE IS HE OK

Tobi!: HE LITERALLY TACKLED ME FEKMEJVOSVKM

[Tsukki would kill for micheal tbh]

Tsukki: WHERE ARE MY GLASSES YOU MOFO'S

Kozume: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING 

Tsukki: I CAN STILL SEE WHEN I PUT MY PHONE CLOSE ENOUGH TO MY FACE

Tooru: WHY DO YOU KEEP LOSING THINGS

Tsukki: IDK

SemiSemi: YOU DUMB BTICH ITS ON OYUR HEAD

Tsukki:

Tsukki: thanks

Sakusa: cute

Kozume: Cute

Tooru: Cute

SemiSemi: Cute 

Atsu-kun: cute

Tsukki: shut up

[UwU in this house we love our tall bean]

[Karasuno OG's]

Iwantmilk: WHY TF DID YOU TACKLE ME

Frog: WRONG CHAT 

Iwantmilk: FUKC

Ninja: huhhh???????????

Suga: I-

RIP: Tackle???

Asahi: pretty sure it's just a practice match but if it isn't im concerned

Frog: dont worry ab that

Ninja: no no I want to know why Tsukki taccled King

Frog: still dont know how to spell shit huh shrimpy?

Ninja: >:<

Frog: n e ways, we were just fighting over something

Iwantmilk: its totally not about micheal

Coochie: YOU STILL HAVE MICHEAL!?!?!?!

Tsukki: Maybe

Suga: who???

Iwantmilk: Tsukishima has a dino plushie given to him by Akaashi Keiji when he was in his second year in hs

Iwantmilk: hes taken care of it so well that it still looks the same way it did when Akaashi gave it to him

RIP: how do you know this????????

Iwantmilk: I was there when he got it lol

Asahi: thats cute

Suga: IT IS OGMOGMGOIWN

Tsukki: Its a really special gift...

Coochie: YOUR SO CUTE OMGIENONW

Ninja: Thats adorable

Suga: Tsukishima is so cute UwU

Nishi: IKR!?!?

Tsukki: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ON SAYING IIM CUTE DIDNT EVERYONE SAY I WAS A BIG BITCH IN HIGHSCHOOL

Iwantmilk: you were still cute in hs, everyone was too busy looking at your ass and being too scared of what you were gonna say to them to talk to you ab how you were so cute

Ninja: oop-

Suga: thats really specific 

Iwantmilk: idk, thats just my perspective

Tsukki: You thot i was scary????

Iwantmilk: idk

Asahi: what goin on anymore

RIP: CAN WE CHANGE MY NAME NOW ITS BEEN YEARS

Killer: Yeah :(

Tsukki: nah

Asahi: no

Suga: lol no fuck u

Coochi: n o

#1: no

#2: no

#3: no

Nishi: no

Iwantmilk: no <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha imagine crying while working on this and listening to line without a hook h a h a


	13. Sorry :(

This isn't exactly bad news.

I dont like how im going with this chatfic, the plot is confusing even for me, idk about y'all though. I'm terribly sorry that I keep on forgetting about how they're all adults, honestly I was just winging it, I wasn't even thinking about when and what the next chapter was. I confused myself even more with chapter 5, after that I couldn't even make some of the chapters without wondering if any of you guys were confused or not, or wondering if any of you guys actually like how the story was going.

So I have finally decided that I will be rewriting this story! I will make sure it will be better than this one and less confusing for me and you guys, Honestly thank you guys so much for reading this, I didn't even know if anyone was gonna read it or not. There probably will be new things added into the rewritten version of this story

Until then, see you guys in a few hours!


End file.
